- a grouping of articles I share with thoughts and lessons for your life -

One Before Three- Day 4

If I ain’t got nothin, I got you.
— Beyonce

Tonight on Day 4, we treated ourselves to a rarity and visited Red Lobster. Usually we only visit Red Lobster on Meiko's Birthday- exactly 5 months from today. He has a thing about only visiting his favorite place once a year, but somehow today he was willing to forego that tradition. It's not the best place but it's his favorite place. 

I made Meiko try Mussels for the first time. He didn't like them.

The work day was quite filled for him, but not so much for me. That being said when I get home, all I want to do is chat it up about nothing! It's the exact opposite for my better half.  That's because winding down and unloading for me looks completely different for my husband. 

I learned this technique back when I used to serve tables at Gordon Biersch. Its called "Pacing the Guest. " This means knowing how to read when the guest is ready for the next course, another beverage, the check, etc... knowing when and when not to interrupt the conversation. I'd like to think it works in real life too. Most of the time I am pretty good about reading my Husband and knowing when he's in his head. My meter's been going off lately and I won't lie, it usually it gets to me. I just want to know whats going on in there. But bless my soul I don't know how many times I can flip the dreaded question "Whatcha thinking about?" before I drive him crazy! Sitting across from him at the dinner table tonight, watching him skim the menu, I knew he had already chosen his entree. I just knew there was more happening in that mind palace and I was dying to ask it. (I think I did at some point.) Finally I settled myself for the moment with the lesser of two evils: I would rather patiently wait for him to engage than to have to fish for single threads of thoughts. Eventually he did and we talked about nothing. Just what I needed to know that everything between us was alright.

On the drive back home,  I talked about how I came to the conclusion that I know that He's comfortable in there. (His head.) He was raised an only child. Not only that, but things make sense in there. And sometimes it's just better with out all the extra voices. I grew up with 3 other siblings. If someone's not talking, they're mad. So when I don't have interaction I feel like something's wrong. But most of the time there's not. And that's okay. 

I am pretty sure I forever cemented a picture of rainbows and lollipops for marriage in my mind when I was growing up. You fall in love and it's honeymoon stage forever and always. You never run out of things to talk about.  And every time you say each other's names, hot pink hearts come shooting out of your mouth. But those of us married folk know that that is just not the case. This doesn't mean the fire has faded; only that we are both 2 people who just are. And some days "I aint got nothin." I am learning those are especially the times we need to unplug and be filled up with the Lord. Though I let my insecurity get the best of me, the fact of the matter is that even when we just aint got nothin, we push through, and make the effort to just be with each other. So when I don't get those moments of full on detail about the moments he opened his eyes to the time he see's me, I  think I truly felt at ease. I don't have to be constantly trying to figure him out. I already got the ring. Everything he does to provide for us is out of pure thought of me!

What are some moments where you feel insecure in your relationship? How do you push through it?